If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
