Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He felt like a one man threesome
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Randomize
