when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
