so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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