my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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