As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
