shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
