Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
