Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
