he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
