I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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