what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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