I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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