Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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