I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He shit in the fireplace
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
