Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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