i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
