Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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