oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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