matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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