You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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