He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
