brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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