Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
