So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
