I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
