He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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