What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
