so let's talk penis.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
