I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
