The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im six kinds of drunk right now
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
