I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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