soooo we both peed the bed last night...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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