i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
