ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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