What did we do last night that was yellow?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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