Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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