I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
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In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
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Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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