No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
