she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just want to make out with him forever
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
