I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Drake has all the answers
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
