I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
