Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
