Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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