Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
