a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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