i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
