Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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