Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
