When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
