I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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