can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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