Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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