I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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