I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
