You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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