some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
did i just pee glitter
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
