I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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