the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize