I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
