oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
