i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
