I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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