I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
