It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Houston, we have a blender
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
