i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
