You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
