i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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