Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
